I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
please don't ironically join a cult
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