Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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