Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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