I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sext me about skeletons
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
