Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
