First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
