i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
