You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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