my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
