How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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