Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
