1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will die if light touches me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
