just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
