He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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