Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
