Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
