im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
