Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
