im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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