I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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