Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
