Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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