why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
