Just fell off a train. Bad.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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