wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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