he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
