watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
