Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
