Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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