I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
