Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
