Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my poor anus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
