Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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