i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
