I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
