beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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