Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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