just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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