That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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