i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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