How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
