Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
