Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize