He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
