I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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