What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
