ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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