The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
