I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
