I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize