the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
