Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize