i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
