I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
