I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I pour the whiskey from now on
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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