I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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