I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
