Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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