I should be sponsored by Trojan
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
