turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize