woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
