I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
