i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
