i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
These tits shall not be calmed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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