I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize