there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
