No stitches, just platelets and will power
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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