Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
