so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize