There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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