Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
