We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
