***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
