I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
