I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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