he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
