im having a threesome with these popsicles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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