i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
