whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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