Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize