Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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