I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
