I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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